Merci

Bonjour lecteurs de nourriture de poissons,
My NaBloPoMo letters month ends today and I am relieved, but pretty stoked that I posted everyday.  I actually finished something besides a sandwich or an expletive with a hand gesture.  Thanks to those who read, liked it and came back to read more.  Thanks to those who read, hated [...]

Frank Black

Dear Frank Black,
Can I tell you how much I love you.
I found you in high school.  In college you brought me and a boyfriend to a new level of music love that we shared so deeply.  You effected how I thought about music and compared all musicians to you.  And today on a day [...]

Pick em up truck

Dear guy in the broke ass pickup truck who had two kids in the front with no seat belts on, who almost swirved into my lane and hit my car while trying to find his lighter to light his cigarette,
Dude!

Across from the BP

Dear Lady who pounded on the bathroom at the gas station today,
I’m very very sorry.  We drank wine last night, more then enough.  Then we spent 3 hours at IKEA and I had a veggie wrap and salad.  Let’s just say roughage and even the slightest, tiniest hangover never go well together.   We were driving [...]

Cheap

Dear lovers of things that are inexpensive,
If you’re in the search of quality items at a low cost, my advice is go to a preschool silent auction.  I just got an hour massage and hair cut for $30.  Momma is ready to roll!

Dear Women

I’m afraid I must turn in my woman badge.  I made a huge mistake that no woman, girl, chick, babe, bird, should make.
Even though I hold many male emotional traits…

I’m distant,
I don’t cuddle after sex
I’ll climax and be completely too spent to care how to take care of you
I belch very loudly
I always steal [...]

Ms. GreenJeans

Body,
Apparently threats do work! When I rammed you about the extra tank I’m carrying in my belly, I wasn’t sure if you were listening.  But this morning when I put on my green pants, they fit nicely.  Well they’ve always fit, but previously they were on the tight side and seemed to give a very [...]

Terrible Threes

Dear people who told me the threes were worse then the terrible twos,
Hmmm, you were pretty wrong about the whole terrible thing.  Sure the twos were trying and threes are equally challenging, but calling them “terrible” or “tortuous” is a bit unfair.
I will be the first to admit that my daughter drives me ape shit [...]

And then the Universe was like, I’m all…..

I’m a fan of my morning notes from the Universe. Here’s a little letter that was given to me today.

For what has been an eternity, Mollie, dwelling in the vastness of the unseen, I’ve been preparing for these very moments…
You waking up to the truth of your magnificence and [...]

Meanie head

Dear mean self,
Um, I think we need to talk.  Lately you’ve been out of control, we need to keep it together or I will need to find a new job.  You see for some reason you’re only seeing the annoying parts of those you are surrounded by and it’s manifesting itself into really awful language [...]