I’ve got a case of the mean reds and I’m working through my head exactly why. It boggles my mind why people hide things from you, but want you to know. And when they do tell you it is in a very indirect way, which to me is juvenile. I had this happen and it made me sad. Not sad in the way that I felt a sort of loss, but sad because I felt that the relationship (not romantic) was devalued. Which in turn brings on a lot of other feelings that I thought I had under control, spews the following stream of consciousness,
what if I am alone forever, I’m not really putting my all into my dreams, what if it really isn’t my dream, I still feel like my body is out of shape, why aren’t I more healthy, why can’t I stick with what I intend to do, oh I look shit and need a haircut, how do I know if I’m being a good mom when my child never listens…….
This goes on in my head for a whole evening and morning, and then my darling daughter wakes up as I’m scrubbing pots with all this crap in my head and says
“what are you doing”
“I’m washing dishes, what are you doing”
“Just waking up”
and boom everything was brought back down to earth and out of my head. I was putting too much negative energy into stuff that truly didn’t matter and I look at this little face and felt a whole lot of happiness. Then she started talking and asking questions and by the 19th “Why?” I started to realize why some species eat their young.
6 Comments
May 18, 2008 at 3:13 am
i’m not sure how i found your blog…can’t remember. not sure if i’ve commented before…can’t remember. i just know that when i do read your blog i am reminded that i like it and should really be sure to check in more often. this one hit very close to home.
May 18, 2008 at 3:32 am
Amazing how kids can make you go from wanting to eat them up to wishing you had.
If it makes you feel any better, it happens to all of us- a lot.
May 18, 2008 at 12:17 pm
XO
May 19, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Porter- Thank you so much. It really is wonderful to hear that I might help someone when I feel like poop.
Sings- Thanks, it helps to feel that I’m not alone
Alissa- You rock and I love ya!
May 20, 2008 at 1:29 pm
You’re very far from alone.
My kids don’t ask me why anymore. Usually it’s the other way around-
Why did you do something so stupid?
Why did you not do what you were supposed to?
Why has your brain left the building?
Why do you insist on driving me further insane?
Sigh.
May 20, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Like Snigsspot said… but move ahead a few more years and you are now asking the questions I ask…
Why haven’t they called?
Why are they going to college so far from home?
Why did they grow up so quickly?
Hugz to you and your beautiful angel.