I like most women in today’s society am not satisfied with how my body looks. To even put it so gently is almost like being in denial. I am obsessed with how my body looks. From every angle, in every article of clothing and my obsession sickens me. Over the years my body has changed as it has aged. I’ve gone from being a person who can eat everything I want without a care to eating with much more consideration of what goes into my body. While the latter is preferable on a scale of healthfulness, but overall it’s because I don’t want to be overweight or more importantly gain more weight than I already have in the past 3 years. My body has changed, softened, & dimpled. I am afraid to wear a two piece bathing suit, not because I’m grossly overweight, in fact I’m in my perfect weight range for my height, but I’m not the body I was 5 years ago. This bothers me.
Today in a dressing room (don’t even get me started on trying on clothes) I heard my daughter say her belly was fat. Anyone who knows my child, knows how absolutely tiny, petite and beautiful she is in every way. This phrase is something she’s learned from me. Fuck.
As a mother of girl I want everything for her as women that I never had. I want my daughter to have confidence in every area of her life and be completely comfortable with her body. Actually I want her to love her body, take care of it, treat her body like a precious machine, that deserves good natural food, exercise to be healthy, sunscreen to be safe & appreciation for how it moves without thought. I have not been a very good example at all in trying to set this up for her. I squeeze, prod, and examine my body only to sigh in sadness at how my body isn’t what I want it to be and how I am not longer specific size. Mind you, my body works very well. I can run, walk, breath, touch my toes, swim and do yoga without a pain, wince or pressure. I have aches & pains, back issues here & there but overall my body runs well. I’m very very lucky.
After hearing those words come out of her mouth, it’s time I became a better example. Suck it up and give it a shot so here it goes.
I love my body.
I love all the moles, the dimples, the paleness, blue veins, small boobs,the short legs. I love it all! I love that I have the freedom and control over my body and how it functions. I’m doing this for myself & my little girl & may she always look in the mirror and smile, instead of frown.
So here it is, my belly. I’m learning to love it’s shape, details & imperfections. Slowly, but learning…
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11 Comments
June 6, 2009 at 3:24 pm
It was the best way to do it! I don´t have children yet, but I was a child years ago. And one great thing I´ve learnt from my Mother is to love my body simply because it´s healthy. She always says that we´ve got legs to walk on, not only to wear nice shoose with.. If you know what I mean.
By the way.. Your belly is very nice! Beautiful!
Take care! Cool post!
ViktoryiaN
June 6, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Awesome! I love your belly! WAY better than my belly! Which I will learn to love. How many years do I have on you? Okay, belly pic.
June 6, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I had a similar awakening a few weeks ago when my 3 1/2 year old said her tummy was fat. It is still chubby because she hasn’t yet lengthened into a big kid. We talked about how all people’s bodies are different and what’s most important is to eat well and use our muscles to be healthy.
I am watching my words much more closely now…
June 6, 2009 at 7:11 pm
this is a good lesson for us all. It is good that you recognize this early- we are the first to teach self love and instill the important stuff to these small wonders. We can be as screwed up as we wanna be- but we need to either get well or hide it the best we can. I am raising these boys to love women of all shapes and sizes and i am trying my best to never hate on myself- and you know what- the more I practice loving myself- the more it beomes real. xoxox
June 6, 2009 at 7:28 pm
[...] Original post: Love the one you’re with [...]
June 7, 2009 at 5:14 am
Aging sucks, as does being a role model for, “I love the way my body looks.” I love the way my body works…most of the time, but not so much the toll of years gone by. You are a brave woman to post that photo! I just really avoid the mirror more and more and just keep thinking I look like I did when I was much younger and thinner. Denial is a great thing!
June 7, 2009 at 8:36 am
Beautiful and inspiring blog Mollie! Thanks very much.
June 7, 2009 at 9:07 am
This is something I’ve been trying to teach myself forever. It’s so easy to see flaws when I look in the mirror instead of the healthy body I’ve been working hard to maintain. I guess I’m going to have to get over myself when I have kids. I definitely want them to feel good about themselves.
June 8, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Great post Mol. In the past few years I have learned the hard way that I can’t smoke, I can’t be tan, I can’t eat whatever the hell I want, and I AM a role model to two amazing children.
We lived it up at OSU and beyond and now we are the grown ups who have to lead by example.
PS~ I love your belly!
June 9, 2009 at 5:51 am
I really like this blog and the fact that you are aware of how much power your words have on Maggie. I have self loathed for so many years. I never stopped to consider the effect it had on Ryan until it was too late (although I’m hoping to turn it around). I’m still guilty of it occasionaly and it kills me when I hear him talk about how fat and ugly he is. He is totally the male version of me! Poor baby (see there I go again)!!
p.s. I think you gots a cute l’il belly!!!
July 5, 2009 at 9:35 am
These words…every single word…could have come from my own mouth, though not so eloquently spoken.
(Your belly rocks.)