cinescope eyes, originally uploaded by mehannon.
When you find out that people are talking about you & saying things that aren’t exactly flattering, how do you internally handle that?
I’ve said it before.. I care what people think & say about me, so when I hear that someone is saying mean things regarding me, especially if the actions that are being questioned had zero malice behind them, it slowly eats at me. I become consumed with the thought that I had hurt this person, completely unintentionally & not giving much regard that these people hurt me too. The people that hurt you, do they too struggle with the voices in their head that go over & over on maybe there really was a nicer way for you to say things.
Why do I care so much if they like me or think fondly of me? My guess is they don’t struggle with that worry, so why should I?
It’s taken me years of really hard work, but I’m finally getting to a place where I can say… “it’s not me, it’s them”. But it still hurts.
I can honestly count on one hand the number of times I’ve intentionally hurt someone & all those times it was out of retaliation. For they too wounded my heart something fierce. I fought with only words, but I wanted them to feel the pain that I felt. When I look back at those times (which was many many years ago) being young, insecure and emotionally fragile, I feel guilt. I wish I would’ve been the bigger person.
So now I’ve decided to take solace that most of my actions are done with heart. I never mean to hurt anyone and that should be good enough for me to know & move on. Right?
5 Comments
June 21, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Right! <3 I hope it gets easier for you. It slowly, very slowly, gets easier for me.
June 22, 2009 at 6:13 am
Wow, it’s like you are inside my head! I have such guilt over things I said or did that may have offended or hurt someone else even though that wasn’t the intention! It’s wonderful that you are working on this and trying to move past those feelings and just focus on what you can do, and realize that “it’s not you!” I hope someday to get to that place.
June 23, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I totally understand when you say even though you should not worry what others say abotu you, but you still we care right, I dont think we can really reach a point where we can say for sure, we dont care what others think or say about us, its hard almost impossible
June 24, 2009 at 4:29 am
Very true. On the positive side, by caring it allows to feel empathy for others. Which then probably keeps most of us from killing each other
July 1, 2009 at 7:16 am
Here’s how I handle it. I lift my head up high, insist that it doesn’t bother me at all, smile.
Then I go inside and puke for two hours.